we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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