Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
