I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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