Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
