I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
