put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
