we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i've created a new STD.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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