i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
