My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
