I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
