I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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