32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everyone says I win the strip club
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
