Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
