respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
