Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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