I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
