bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
