i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I skipped work to stalk him.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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