I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
