Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
