The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
