Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
