I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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