I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
