I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
