i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
