In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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