Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
