Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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