the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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