I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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