So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
