i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
