I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
