Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
