If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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