I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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