I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
