fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
