Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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