its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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