i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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