how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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