i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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