RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
