Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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