3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
