she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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