She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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