So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
