She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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