Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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