Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So much rum. So many feels.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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