I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
