I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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